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Evil, but cute & gay about it
...ramblings of the imperfectly innocent
Bah, humbug 
26th-Apr-2008 11:06 pm
dumb, can't brain today
I think it's official: I'm depressed. For the past N weekends, I've not been motivated to do much beyond cleaning my apartment. There was the fun trip with ctseawa to the Skagit Valley to see the tulips and some other sights, but my energy levels lately have been near zero. There are two friends of mine that I've been slowly conversing with via email. In both cases the ball has been in my court for at least a week, and I can't work up the energy to respond. (Yet I can compost (typo, but I'm leaving it in) this whinefest; hrm) Work has been OK. I can't get my brain to keep from focusing on tiny little minutiae, to the detriment of big picture. It keeps wanting to work out the tiniest details (what's the fastest way to thoroughly hash two 32-bit values into one using the fewest registers? Now how do I get that into gcc assembly in the best way?) and not stop, despite the fact that the result will be useless for months.

I want to go out. I haven't been into the gaming group at work. I haven't been on bearciti in months. I haven't been to the gym in even longer, and it's beginning to show :(. There's a local acquaintance who basically asked to start doing things with new locals, and I have not responded to him. I have a great trip in May that I really need to get off my ass about. I should be excited about my sister's wedding, and going to The French Laundry. But my brain doesn't want any of that. *sigh*

I think I need to focus more on proper sleep; that should be a good first step. Start off light, just use some melatonin and my sunrise clock again. Usually the winters here don't bother me, but I am entirely ready for spring. Plz 2b suny now, kthx?
29th-Apr-2008 05:11 am (UTC)
That's a pretty good suggestion actually. Will get some on my next trip to the pharmacy. Thanks!
27th-Apr-2008 01:49 pm (UTC)
Ugh... I know just what you mean... and I've been really shitty about staying in touch with you and a couple other friends so far this year.

As you say... with Spring coming... perhaps I will get it together.

It is pretty sweet that you're going to French Laundry... just sayin :-)
29th-Apr-2008 05:14 am (UTC)
Yeah, I've been disappointed that we haven't connected in a while. We should fix that soon. But only after I can start putting two words together intelligibly.

The French Laundry should be awesome, yes. So happy we got reservations.

Talk to you soon, cutie. *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
29th-Apr-2008 05:15 am (UTC) - Re: blah blah blah
Me too. I miss the outdoors. Maybe I should clean out my car and go for a nice long drive.
27th-Apr-2008 07:30 pm (UTC)
I hear ya. I get this way too and it comes and goes. Most of the time I blame it on energy and just want to shut down at work. Then I regret that I did not do anything.

For me, I really have to force myself to go out. I go out pessimistic, but I usually come back from visiting my friends wondering how I could have chosen NOT to go out and see them after having such a good time (and it was just dinner with friends).
29th-Apr-2008 05:19 am (UTC)
Exactly. It's a cycle: I don't feel good, so I do less, so I feel less good... *bleah*

For me, I often have a great time at a party if I can just suppress my desire to flee for about an hour, which sounds similar to your experiences. Lately I just can't even get over the hump to go out. Need to fix that...
28th-Apr-2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
Been there, done that, got the wardrobe. I wish I could help.

As for sleep, have you considered having a sleep study done?
29th-Apr-2008 05:21 am (UTC)
Heh. I have considered it. But it would require having enough energy/time to find a doctor and schedule one. I need to get to a dermatologist first, and I've been putting that off for months. *sigh* Where did all my energy go?
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